11 months

We've reached 11 months! All I can say is that I'm in awe. Not completely of them, but of us. The four of us have survived each other 11 whole months. That's a big accomplishment in my book.

Reaching 11 months means that we have one month to go until their first birthday party which I've been busy planning which I've been procrastinating planning in full force. It's not because I don't want them to have a great party, it's because selfishly I don't want my babies to grow up. I never thought I would get to the point where I'm ready for them to stop growing and be my babies forever. People warned me it would happen, I thought they were insane, but they were right. This whole past year I've been rushing to get to the "good part" now that I'm standing here looking back I see that the past 11 months have been the "good part" and I didn't appreciate and cherish it like a should have (I blame the PPD and sleep deprivation). So now here I stand, looking back and wondering where the time has gone, where my small babies have gone and trying to figure out a way to slow down time. Since I can't find a way (yes I tried to Google it, still no answer) I'm going to do my best to cherish my precious time with my babies.

Now I must say I LOVE having twins. There have been many times where Tim and I are trying desperately not to lose our sanity and we look at each other and say "at least they weren't triplets" and we're usually able to smile after that. One huge plus to having twins is that they usually play together pretty well.

This video is kind of long, but watch the first minute of it and you'll get the gist. Watch the whole thing though and you're guaranteed to smile! Ok maybe that's just Tim and I... 

Yesterday, on the morning of their 11 month birthday Clive and Scarlet decided to celebrate by breaking a piece of our bake ware. And I SWEAR I heard Clive say "mazel tov" after he did it! Totally possible considering I am half Jewish. 

Super adorableness after bath time. That's the only reason for this picture. It's the only reason I need. 

To date Scarlet has been taking more steps than Clive. She will take about 4 steps at a time before she falls. She started before Christmas and has since been perfecting it. Clive on the other hand has no desire to walk. He can, but he prefers crawling. He's already a lazy man. 

Speaking of Clive... We call this video "Clive v. the Tub of Butter". As I joke I taught Clive that the empty butter tub goes on top of your head, like a hat. He thinks it's the greatest thing in the world, and he'll literally sit there putting it on and taking it off and laughing the whole time. This particular time, he hated everything and decided to throw a fit about nothing. Enjoy. 

Another thing about having twins is they get into twice the trouble in half the time

11 months, wow. I'm so blessed to have these two mischievous, loving, messing, crazy babies to call mine. 

What in the world?!

So as we all know and are constantly reminded, it's Christmas time which means shopping for that perfect gift for that special someone. But sometimes you wonder who the hell would buy these things.

Take the Unicorn Pony Cycle for example. I mean, come on. Who buys this for their children? I mean unless they don't mind their kids being the weird kids on the block riding a unicorn instead of a normal bike. Just pin a kick me sign on the poor kids back already! 

And this, seriously. It's suppose to be a pillow, and I would NEVER want either of my kids sleeping on a monster who got it's ass kicked. It's scary and sad at the same time.  

Ok I admit I didn't find this for sale, it was in someones office but I have to post it because I'm convinced it stared straight into my soul. 

Santa had too many cookies and he's also way too over priced for just being a weebly wobble Santa.

Army of creepy doll candle holders anyone? Great for making guests feel uncomfortable. 

This guy. This guy was not for sale, he was actually hanging in a restaurant I was having breakfast at. He's creepy, he's like a possessed elf. Plus I know he was totally judging me for eating that super unhealthy breakfast bagel. He made me feel like a fatty and therefore he's making the list. Jerk. 

Last but not least there's this gem, Santa holding baby Jesus. I totally missed that part in the Christmas story, but it must be true because my friend Anna (who also found that statue) bought me this

Santa was there for the birth of Jesus. We need to update the Bible asap! 

I hope you guys have a wonderful Christmas this year! And if anyone buys any of these please contact me asap, I need to get into your mind for medical reasons. 

That Awkward Moment When...

Disclaimer: Yes these have all happened to me. I hope you will feel better about your life. You're welcome .  That awkward moment when... You tell a very conservative Christian friend who can potentially recommend you for a job "I'm the funniest f'ing person you will ever meet" You think a door is automatic so you stand there in front of it, waving your arms like an idiot only to have a kind old man pass you and open the door for you. And as you walk away you know he's wondering what you've been smoking that day.  Your husband catches you blasting music in the house, after you've repeatedly told him not too.  Someone shows up at your house unexpectedly and your bra from yesterday is hanging over the kitchen chair. Someone you've been expecting shows up and your bra from yesterday is hanging over the kitchen chair.  Your child spits up on someone’s brand new something.  Your phone rings in church, and it's not on silent. You tell a joke, and no one laughs.  Someone asks your opinion concerning the topic they've been talking about but you weren't listening and have no clue what to say. *Can also apply this too when you don't understand the subject that was being discussed.  Your baby falls off a chair at your husbands company Christmas party                                 *Side note- she fell onto very soft grass thankfully. Still embarrassing, totally not winning mother of the year now.  You send an email about something personal and super inappropriate to the wrong coworker.  A Preacher says during a wedding  "Marriage is hard. It's always going to be hard. You have to get use to it. Neither one of you has experienced anything as hard as this until now" and you immediately think "that's what she said" and you begin to quietly laugh uncontrollably and have to pretend like your crying because people around you are starting to stare.      *This has also happened during group prayers. I'm doomed.

I'm totally That Person

*Disclaimer* This blog was written by a person suffering from sleep deprivation and may or may not make sense. You have been warned.

Ok so don't judge me, even though I know you totally will, but last night I went to the midnight premiere of Twilight's Breaking Dawn Part 1. 

Yes, that's right, I'm that crazy person who, when tickets came out, made sure to get the 12:01 showing on the very day they were available for sell... back in September! We ordered our special Twilight tee shirts (we get one every year) and wear them while we sit in a theater packed with equally and sometimes more insane girls anxiously waiting for the midnight premiere. But the best part about the whole thing is I'm not alone! AND I'm not the craziest one!!!! 

 Some of those girls scare me with how much they're invested in this. They proudly bring their Edward or Jacob covered bedspread to wrap themselves up in, dress up as characters in the movie, and sometimes even bring a life size cardboard cut out of the characters along with them! It's beyond insane. 

This was my 3rd year to go and as usual the crowd never ceases to amaze me. We arrived around 4pm and we weren't even the first ones in line, not even close.

Also, I may or may not have gotten into an argument with a freshman girl...
As we were sitting in line we couldn't help but hear a conversation that went like this "OMG it would be soooooo cool if in the last movie she chose Jacob". 

 So I turned to her and said "Are you serious, Edward’s the baby daddy, why would she leave him? Plus have you even read the book? It's based off of the book" (Idiot)

 And then she said "Jacob could be the father" 

And then I said "To a baby he's in love with??!! Seriously??!!" 

Seriously.

One of my favorite parts of all is when we're all sitting in the theater, waiting for the movie to begin and the girls in there start chanting "Team Jacob" and another half starts chanting "Team Edward" and it just goes on and on until all of our ears are numb and their voices finally give out. Why was this my favorite part? Because we were finally in the freaking theater after HOURS of waiting on the cold ground, which I think they make us do just so we can be tortured and prove ourselves to truly be hardcore. I mean as hardcore as a Twilight fan can get. Plus it meant we were closer to seeing the movie, Which by the way was FANTASTIC disappointing.

I laughed in parts of the scenes that were meant to be serious (the robot voiced wolves scene) because they way they chose to shoot them was ridiculous! And *Spoiler Alert* the scenes where the venom is running through her body was fine the first time, but by the third time I wanted to shout "OMG we get it, she's turning into a vampire and the venom is inside her!!!!".

I've defended the movies for years now, but this one is nearly indefensible. The majority of the movie was good, but the bad parts made it so awful that I'm having trouble seeing past them. The poor acting I can get past, but for a talented director to take this movie that CAN afford to be not amazing and make it a piece of crap is truly amazing to me.   After sharing my opinion with several people, most have asked me if I will go to the midnight showing next year, and my answer is yes. I don't have too much hope for part 2, because it was shot by the same director, but for my friends and I it's more about the experience. This next year will mark our 4Th year going to the midnight shows together, and each year we build fun memories. We make new friends as we wait in line, and get to spend hours together talking and laughing. It's a great experience, and although I'm not happy with the overall movie I'm excited for the next one, the last one, so we can do it one final time. 

 So yeah, that was my night. It's now Friday and I'm exhausted because I got like 4 hours of sleep, and for some reason my twins just don't seem to care. Rude much? But they're still cute so I guess it's ok. Now please enjoy some nerdy pictures from last night, but try not to be enraged with envy, for your sake not mine.

Waiting for the movie to start and why YES that is an Insta-Bench. It's seats up to six people and we sat proudly on it. Thanks Britt!

Us upstairs with the Breaking Dawn poster. In our matching shirts.We are full of Awesome.

Whitney and I in our matching tee-shirts

Sitting on the Insta Bench with a new friend we made while waiting in line

Happy Birthday Mom, sorry I got arrested.

Before you freak out, no I didn’t get arrested this weekend, I’m talking about the infamous time when I was 17 and got arrested. Yesterday marked the 7^th year anniversary of my arrest and short lived incarceration.

It all started after my mom’s birthday party, which by the way was big! We had family, friends, people I didn’t even know, all at our house. My mom and dad let my cousin and I leave for the night to meet up with some friends, while the adults continued to hang out. We first went to a party, and no not an innocent party, one with drugs and alcohol. We didn’t feel comfortable, so we quickly left and went to this guys house who I had been on a date with once who was having a bunch of our mutual friends over to watch a boxing match (you know him as Tim, aka my husband). I had only been to his house once before and he had drove me there, so naturally I had no idea where I was going or where his house was. I found the street he lived on but I couldn’t find the house, so I called him and asked him to come out and wave me down. I made a u-turn, saw him standing on his porch, and then saw red and blue lights in my rearview mirror.  Like a good citizen I quickly pulled over and complied with the officer when he asked for my license and registration. I was pretty embarrassed that I had been pulled over and all my friends were watching from the porch three doors down (along with some nosey neighbors who had come outside), but the icing on the cake was when the officer had me exit the car and handcuffed me. Why you may ask? Well did you know that when you don’t pay a ticked within 14 days they put a warrant out for your arrest? 17 year old me found that out the hard way when I was 16 days late on paying a ticket for failure to make a complete stop at a stop sign.  I was put in the back of the cop car and hauled away to county jail, while my cousin was left on the side of the road with my car and my cell phone calling my mom to tell her what happened.

So  I arrived at the county jail, completely traumatized and bawling and pleading with the officer to let me go. I kept telling him I was an A-B student, I got good grades so that should be enough to let me go home. But it wasn’t. I was lined up against a wall, next to a gross looking lady who smelled and looked like a crack whore. We began to get processed, and that’s when I discovered I had been mistaken for the crack whore who I had been standing next to. I tried to tell them they had me mixed up with someone else, but my pleading fell on deaf ears and the warden just gave me a lecture about hanging out with people who did crack. My clothes were taken, I was told to bend over and cough, the whole nine yards!!! I was destroyed at this point. But the embarrassment didn’t stop there. I was then put in a holding cell with about five others, including the crack whore who asked me if I knew her daughter and soon fell asleep using the toilet paper as a pillow. I spent four of the longest hours of my life in that cell, praying and pleading with God for SOMEONE, ANYONE to come and rescue me. Soon my name was called and the officer told me I was leaving, my parents were here to bail me out.

I left jail that night vowing never to return and I’m proud to say I never have. Three days later Tim and I started officially dating, and his parents never held it against me that I was arrested in front of their house (thanks guys!). If it weren’t for that night, for my mom’s birthday, I truly believe Tim and I would have never started dating and I would never have the life and the beautiful children I have today. I thank God every day that he works in mysterious ways and he’s pushed me to the place I am today.

So happy birthday Mom, even though it was yesterday. That may not have been your proudest moment of me, but I’m still thankful it happened. And I promise it won’t ever happen again! 

PS- If you ever wonder where I get it from view the picture below: 

This is my baby sister. Tim found her in our playroom reading a book after dinner. My entire family had left and forgot about her and had to turn around and pick her up again. 

And then we almost burned down our freakin house!

It was an interesting weekend moment at our house this weekend. It all started when my dad came over Friday night and burned important papers in our grill (they’re burned now thieves, so don’t go trying to look through it). Tim decided the next day that he was going to cook out, but after checking the grill he discovered that there was still a small fire going underneath the ashes. So he came inside, started the oven and gave Clive a bath. I went into the babies nursery to hang out with them and help get Clive dressed. That’s when I noticed a HUGE fire outside of their nursery window! I screamed "Fire!" to Tim, who quickly handed me a naked Clive and ran outside. I ran  to the living room and sat down naked Clive and ran outside with Tim who was screaming “where the hell is the water hose?”. That’s when I remembered the water hose had been moved into the front yard to water the one of the trees out front. Luckily we had another water hose in the backyard, but it was not hooked up. So Tim had to hook up the water hose (which was right next to the fire) and the flames were at this point about 5 feet tall. He then turned it on and put out the fire.  We sat there stunned and didn't really say anything until Tim looked at me and said “What the hell Jamie, where’s the water hose? We could have burned down the house!” And then I was all like “Really? You’re pissed at ME because YOU started a fire and couldn't put it out?” He dropped that subject pretty quick.

Anyways, I walked over to what I thought was a pile of ashes and stared at it, only to learn that it wasn't just a pile of ashes it was our completely melted 42 gallon black trash can as seen here in its former glory: 

 Before 

And here it is after we were done with it:

 Oops! My bad! 

As far as we can tell a small spark probably jumped out of the ashes and into the trash can, which was sitting near the grill because Tim was going to use it to scoop the ashes into. And that’s how we almost burned down our freakin house!

PS- On a happy note, naked Clive didn't pee on the floor, he just spit up and rolled around in it. I don’t know which one is worse, but I’ll take it.

PPS- I know I didn't mention Scarlet but here's an adorable picture of her with Clive. There, now I'm no longer a bad parent... for the moment anyways.  

Clive was pushing Scarlet around in the walker 

Spa Day

I had a spa day Saturday because I deserve one more than anyone else in the world. Did I mention I had twins??? I laugh at your one baby, bahaha! Ok maybe not, but I really needed a massage. Before the twins were born and while I was pregnant I was constantly getting massages, facials, pedicures, etc… and now that they’re here this has greatly diminished into NEVER getting one (confession: I still get a pedicure every other week, so I guess that’s not entirely true). So, Saturday I decided to get a salt scrub, mud wrap, and hot stone massage. A little bit about me really quick: I don’t relax, period. By that I mean I don’t know how. I’m not a person who meditates or does yoga or has quiet time. My mind literally never quits running and I've never been able to make it calm down. So what does that mean for you??? Why that means I analyzed everything about my spa day and you get to read my list. Lucky you!

• 1.      The Salt scrub doesn't smell salty. It smells minty, naming fail.
• 2.      Those mats with the big rocks on them don’t always have the rocks glued down,caution while stepping into the shower!
• 3.      Why don’t they glue those stones down??? And who came up with that??? It freakin hurts!
• 4.      Where can I get one of those spa robes? It feels like the world’s softest baby lamb was slaughtered just for me :)
• 5.      I’m probably way too comfortable with my body. No one should be this comfortable after having twins. No one.
• 6.      Mud wraps make me feel weird, like I’m a burrito wrapped in foil waiting to be eaten by a giant cannibal.
• 7.      I wonder what the mud tastes like, it smells like chocolate after all.
• 8.      The mud doesn't taste good.  Don’t try it.
• 9.      It’s not helpful to think about the Psycho stabbing scene when you’re sitting in a steam shower all by yourself and you can’t see more than a foot in front of you.
• 10.   I want a steam shower in my house, even though I might be stabbed in it. That thing is so awesome, it’s worth a stabbing.

 My spa day was really relaxing and afterwords I felt ready to take on the world! But after an hour of being home I was ready for another spa day. 

Scarlet and Clive both wanted to play with the phone part and Clive kept hitting Scarlet's hand thinking it was part of the game and caused her to throw a fit. 

Clive somehow found his way under my TV stand and was playing with his toy

Tim won the award this weekend for worst moment. His shirt says it all... 

I hope someone finds this as entertaining as we do...

Sometimes you just have a friend that gets you, a friend that has a similar twisted mind as you. I have a few friends like that, but one very special one that I had an interesting email exchange with not too long ago. Even after I tried to go back and re read our conversation that led into our exchange, I couldn’t tell you how we even started it. I’m just going to chalk it up to someone as equally as insane as I am!

Anna:  I think you just got bumped to the bottom of my BFFF list. . . .

Me: Whatev! But just know that skinny girl margaritas are for BFFF’s only!

Anna: Jamie I am super rich and buy my own Skinny Girl drinks! BAM!

Me: I own Google. Super BAM!

Anna: I invented Google before you bought it, so you actually paid me when you bought it. . .  INFINITY BAM!

Me: I just struck a bazillion gallons of oil!  KA POW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anna: Too bad I own the mineral rights to your land. . . .BIFF! BOFF! BONK! CLANK! CLUNK! POWIE! SOCK! WHAPP! ZLOPP!

Me: I burned your mineral rights papers before they could be filed, so you have no proof

Sonic Boom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anna: I had a secret copy that I had filed without your knowledge

ATOMIC BOMB in your FACE!!!!!!!!!!

Me: I just destroyed the county office where the records are kept

HYDROGEN BOMB IN YO MOUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anna: I bought them a secret bomb proof safe (to keep the other copy at a top secret location) with the money you paid me when you bought my Google rights. .. . .

Antimatter explosion in your brain. . . .

p.s. the noise attracts a ravaging colony of super zombie alien vampires (they eat your brains, suck your blood, AND probe you for tests)

Me: I just sent the guys from Oceans 11 to go break into you bomb proof safe, and they got in and they’re burning them as we speak.

Black Hole Super Nova Blast!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Too bad your vampires sparkle, your aliens contract STD’s and die of earthly disease, and your zombies are the slow walking dead kind! Creature Fail!

Anna: I just can’t top that. . . .UNLESS: It was all in your head b/c this is all actually an Inception. . . .we aren’t rich at all, we work at Blue Ridge and I need to be your friend b/c Skinny girl margaritas are always out of stock in this desert wasteland.

Me: That sounds familiar… Are we dreaming? The only way to know is to die…

Anna: The good news is that if we are dreaming, Zombies, Aliens, Vampires, and STD’s can’t hurt us!!!

Maybe we’re the only ones who think this is hilarious, but I’m putting it out there in the case that someone else will find us equally as funny. Our husbands are not allowed to comment on this subject.  

6 months old

Yesterday my babies turned 6 months old, and I celebrated with a margarita snow cone from Bahama Bucks. I added tequila to it when I got home because I just made it through 6 months without losing it, or losing them. Winning! I’m excited Tim and I have made it this far, we deserve a freakin medal! I wish they made twin mom medals, that’s going into my idea folder.

I remember being pregnant with them not to long ago and answering all the annoying questions, and wishing that they were here so I wouldn’t have to answer them anymore. But guess what, they’re here and I’m still answering them.  Here’s a quick summary of their stats and common questions I get asked, I’m writing this for you random lady at Home Depot.

• 1.      She is older by 3 minutes.
• 2.      Yes they are twins.
• 3.      He is bigger by 5oz.
• 4.      I know they’re small, yes I’m feeding them.
• 5.      No I didn't use fertility treatments.
• 6.      No twins don’t run in our family.
• 7.      No I don’t know how I do it either.
• 8.      I’m glad you never had twins too.
• 9.      No I don’t want to hear about how your cousin’s, sisters, next door neighbor had twins in a shopping mall (true story).
• 10.   They don’t talk, so stop trying to make them say things like “bye bye”. Oh and repeating it over and over again doesn't do anything, it just gets on my nerves and forces me to walk away even faster.
• 11.   No they are not identical, she has hair, he’s bald, his face is round, hers is ovalish, her hair is dark, his hair is light, and of course HE’S a BOY and SHE’S a GIRL. Use your imagination here.

It’s crazy having twins, life is chaos at times but then you have incredibly sweet moments and you realize all the hard times are worth it. Then they spit up on you and laugh about it (my babies can be jerks). 

Sweet Scarlet

Scarlet throwing a fit

Happy Clive in the morning

Clive getting upset because he can't eat the Starbucks cup

Saturday morning smiles

Saturday afternoon chaos 

Life is good. 

PS- For those of you who read my blog about the stupid photo shoot and want to check out the pictures Tim took of the coffee click here. They turned out pretty good, but it still took 2 hours! Not cool.