About me

I’m 24 and female.

I’m a mom of twins. No I didn’t use fertility drugs, no twins don’t run in the family, no we weren’t trying, yes I got huge.

I have an awesome husband named Tim, who I’m convinced is secretly a kick ass robot.

I’m not a pet person, so don’t expect any cute puppy stories or funny cat adventures.

I think pregnancy sucks, and anyone who says otherwise is full of it.

My kids are cute but slightly psycho.

I’m turning into my mom and that frightens me.

I have a bunch of cool friends, but none are cooler than me.

I like the word titillated (don’t judge me!).

My biggest fear is a zombie apocalypse.

I own a topless painting.

My theme song is World Greatest by R. Kelly. Go listen to it now.

My kids are finally starting to be funny which is good because I was getting worried they’d be boring.

Sexting freaks me out.

I’m convinced my house is haunted.

When I’m mad at Tim I hide stuff from him, car keys, sunglasses, slippers, remote control, shoes, etc…

I’m a former Catholic Jew, turned Non-Denominational Christian

My goal is for someone to turn my life into a Lifetime movie, so eventually I’ll need a stalker or psycho babysitter. I’m now taking applications.

I’m a “That’s what she said” master.

So that’s my life in a nutshell, you’re welcome.