Friday, July 29, 2011

I'm a Guest Blogger!

I'm a guest blogger today over at This Is Mommyhood! A special thanks to Elle for letting me write some excellent parenting tips.

Clive stealing Scarlet's bow. I'm so proud :)

Monday, July 25, 2011

The dumbest photo shoot I've ever been a part of

Just when I think I’m the only insane one in my house my husband decides to prove me wrong. It all started when Tim bought $35 bag of coffee which wouldn’t be such a big deal, but it was for half a pound! He wanted to truly enjoy his coffee experience so he brought our friend Brandon (self proclaimed foodie and aspiring master chef) over because I wouldn’t appreciate the complexity of it.  Before they enjoyed it though they HAD to take photos of the coffee, and thus began the 2 hour photo shoot with a bag of coffee… 
They took this way too seriously

Brandon holding a reflector because "the lighting just wasn't right"

I'm not exactly sure what this picture is of but it's just part of the stupidity happening in my kitchen

They decided they needed a picture of steam and in the process almost caught my kitchen on fire

This is the end result. Espresso poured over ice cream. Super simple to make, but I had to wait 2 hours for it. Not cool. 

What have I learned from this experience?
1. I shouldn't be the only one in my household on medication 
2. Tim has too much free time and hobby money
3. Brandon is a bad influence on Tim

Things Tim learned from this experience
1.     1.  Not a damn thing!

Monday, July 18, 2011

Hiding things from Tim

So, I’ve had several people ask me about hiding stuff from Tim, and what I mean by that. I’m really surprised by that question, I mean I openly admitted I own a topless painting and not ONE person has asked me about that. Come on people, I’m pretty proud of that thing. Anyways, it’s pretty simple, I hide things from Tim when we’re in a fight. Everything is fair game and I have a ton of places to hide things. I feel like it’s very therapeutic, Tim feels like I’m teetering on the verge of kleptomania but I don’t really care, and I continue to do it. I’ve hidden almost everything you can think of from him. I listed some things in my previous post, but the weirdest thing I’ve hidden from him lately was one of the babies car seats (I would have hidden them both but I could only find a hiding place for one). For some crazy reason I honestly thought if he left the house he would take one of the babies, which is insane for two reasons. One- they were napping, and in my house you don’t disturb them when they nap at the same time! And Two- why would he take a baby??? That would be helping me out, and he was mad at me. It’s way more of a punishment to leave me with both of them alone, especially when they wake up cranky from a nap. Well he did leave the house to go get Starbucks and in the meantime I set out to hide a car seat. I was clearing out cabinets, laundry hampers, closets, anywhere I could think of to hide it. I did find a place eventually (and it only took me 7 minutes of running around the house like a maniac with an empty car seat), but I won’t tell you where in case Tim’s reading this and I decide to hide it again. I eventually snuck it out of its hiding place without being noticed, but I kept his sunglasses hidden to make myself feel better. I highly recommend hiding your spouse’s items anytime you’re in a fight. It gives you a nice sense of arrogance and accomplishment like you’ve secretly won the fight, and you have!

*Oh and Tim if you’re reading this, yeah I know you didn’t know about me hiding the car seat, you can just add this to the list of reasons why your wife is crazy.

  And just for fun, I've included a picture of my babies in their car seats. They look bored.  

Thursday, July 14, 2011


Ok world watch out, this is my first ever blog entry! Why am I starting a blog? Because I’m awesome and I think more people need to have access to me. Here’s a quick summary of me and my life:

I’m 24 and female.
I’m a mom of twins. No I didn’t use fertility drugs, no twins don’t run in the family, no we weren’t trying, yes I got huge.
I have an awesome husband named Tim, who I’m convinced is secretly a kick ass robot.
I’m not a pet person, so don’t expect any cute puppy stories or funny cat adventures.
I think pregnancy sucks, and anyone who says otherwise is full of it.
My kids are cute but slightly psycho.
I’m turning into my mom and that frightens me.
I have a bunch of cool friends, but none are cooler than me.
I like the word titillated (don’t judge me!).
My biggest fear is a zombie apocalypse.
I own a topless painting.
My theme song is World Greatest by R. Kelly. Go listen to it now.
My kids are finally starting to be funny which is good because I was getting worried they’d be boring.
Sexting freaks me out.
I’m convinced my house is haunted.
When I’m mad at Tim I hide stuff from him, car keys, sunglasses, slippers, remote control, shoes, etc…
I’m a former Catholic Jew, turned Non-Denominational Christian
My goal is for someone to turn my life into a Lifetime movie, so eventually I’ll need a stalker or psycho babysitter. I’m now taking applications.
I’m a “That’s what she said” master.

So that’s my life in a nutshell, you’re welcome.